Choice Tidbits From the Marriage Retreat:: Four Commitments

You can read the first part here...

Four commitments that will make my marriage what God ordained it to be:

1) Commitment of priority:
This commitment says "Next to Christ you are my highest priority."

What are my priorities? It doesn't matter what I say my priorities are, what matters is does he feel valued?

A) Practice the priority
B) Protect the priority
Does he feel like my priority?

To protect the priority:
1) Date. Get creative.
2)Get time out of town
3) Limit the kids' activities so you aren't slave to the soccer/ gymnastics/ football schedule
4) Limit social activities. Learn to say no
5) Get out from under financial burdens

Next to my relationship with God, my relationship with my husband is the most sacred.

This one really struck me. I had not ever considered the sacredness of my relationship with my husband. It is something holy. Am I treating it as such? Am I interacting with my husband in a manner that lets God know that I highly revere this man He gave me? That I respect this person He created to complete me? That this relationship honors and mirrors the very sacred relationship that Christ has with the Church? Marriage is sacred, a holy thing, in God's eyes...do I see it the same way He does?

I will be posting the next commitment later on this week

Choice Tidbits From the Marriage Retreat:: Investing and the Dividends

These are my own personal insights from our marriage retreat. Please take what you want from here and apply it to your own marriage!


Reverend Tony Cooke was the guest minister at our marriage retreat. He started off the first session by giving us a Bible pop quiz. Could we tell him what I Cor 7:28 says about marriage? Well, I knew that I Cor 7:25 said "Don't deprive one another..." but I was stumped about verse 28! So was everyone else in the room!

What does I Cor 7:28 say? "But those who marry will have trouble in the flesh." What a great start to the retreat! I was beginning to wonder if we should get our money back!

He went on to say that it's not a matter of if I am going to have tension in my marriage, the issue is how to resolve it.
Prov 24:3-4 "Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches." I have to choose to live a life of investment in my marriage if I ever hope to get anything out of it.

As I thought about the above verse and statement, I realized that this whole time I have been living as a expector (someone who takes) rather than an investor (someone who gives). I had been expecting my husband to fulfill me and satisfy my desire for belonging. Which he does, to a certain extent. But it is not his job to do it all. I have to learn to rely on Christ and to find my identity in Him. And, just to be clear, I am not a little princess expecting my husband to grant my every whim. He isn't that type of man! And he wouldn't put up with a wife who was like that for very long! :)

Prov 11:29 "He who troubles his own house will inherit the wind.." People don't change until the pain is sufficient. I must learn to be proactive instead of reactive. What seeds am I investing into my marriage?
Prov 14:1 "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her own hands." (Emphasis mine) Do I have an investment mentality? Be 100% not just 50/50.

What investing are you doing into your relationship with your husband? I realized on our marriage retreat that we had both stopped investing in our relationship. The first five years of our marriage we were just in survival mode, struggling to make it work. When you are in a crisis mode like that for so long, you focus on the larger problems and everything else gets shoved aside. Well, the fun in our relationship--our companionship---was the first thing to suffer. On our way up to the retreat, Mr. Q and I were discussing what first attracted us to each other. (Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't because of looks (although that was a nice bonus!), or money, or status.) It is sad to admit, but we both had kind of forgotten what had drawn us together. We talked some more and realized that our dates weren't extravagant (taco cart anyone?), weren't activity laden (walking on the beach, hiking up a waterfall), the only common thread between them was we spent them together. We rediscovered that we liked spending time together. That was what made our times together enjoyable. In the whirlwind that is raising children and eking out a living, we had lost sight of the togetherness factor. We purposed that we would reinvigorate that part of our relationship. We would find ways to spend time together even if we couldn't get someone to watch the kids. We are going to make our marriage a priority.

You are investing into a part of your marriage right now, whether or not you are aware. Whatever we give our time to, our resources, ourselves, that is what is truly important to us. Does your life declare that your marriage is a priority? We were told to take a look into our checkbook and see what it was we truly valued. What would your checkbook say about you? While I am happy to say that our checkbook reflects tithe checks, offering checks, and the basics such as utilities, clothing, groceries, etc.; I am ashamed to admit that prior to the marriage retreat if you had based our relationship solely on what could be found in our checkbook, you would have not even known that we had a marriage!

What are the dividends that your relationship will yield?

(Photo taken by my husband from the helicopter)

Our whole marriage retreat was a much needed, rest and relaxation, just slow down and enjoy each other's company, time.

We hung out with other married couples and laughed a lot! In Seaside, we fed the harbor seals that reside in the aquarium. What fun! Watch out for the splashers! They do tricks for a treat and splashing is their favorite way to get your attention! My friend got soaked all down her back and up the back of her head! In spite of the dampness, we had a fabulous time!

The weather at the coast was beautiful! Clear skies, NO RAIN AT ALL, and very light winds. It was perfect Pacific Coast weather in February. It was a bit chilly but not overly frigid.

Of course we ate seafood! We enjoyed battered cod and chips, salmon, and clam chowder for my hubby. Salt air makes me hungrier so we ate a lot!

I love the slower pace at the coast. It is as if the whole town hums in cadence with the motion of the waves. Leisurely, unhurried and peaceful. Down at the beach they close up shop at 5 pm!

We learned so many good things at the retreat sessions. I am still digesting the messages! I think I might share some of the more pertinent points in some future posts.

It was so nice to just be able to enjoy the beauty around us as a couple. To walk on the beach at 10pm and see the brilliant stars sparkling against the ebony sky. Mr. Querido and I realized that we love to enjoy God's creation and we haven't done that as a couple in a very long time.

The main thing that we took away from this whole experience was to make our marriage a higher priority. We realized that we had let our relationship slide as we struggled to survive in those early years. But we are no longer in survival-mode so now we can focus on thriving!

We Did It!

We left our beloved children with trusted friends and sneaked away to here...


Well, we didn't actually sneak it was planned and it was part of our church's marriage retreat. Three awesome days being infused with great teaching, lots of fun and gorgeous weather! We had so much fun reconnecting as a couple and we are taking what we learned there back home with us.

Tomorrow, if Blogger is uploading photos more rapidly, I'll share snippets of our helicopter ride!

It's good to be home :)

Hmmmmmmmmmm...

That is the sound of my stress melting away.

That is me exhaling as I think about my weekend getaway.

That is the sound of renewal beginning.

That is the sound I am going to make as my head hits the pillow and I fall asleep listening to the waves crash against the shore.

Oh wait, I would be making this sound then : zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Only a few more days to go!

Less Than A Week!

The countdown has been going for over a month and finally we are on the home stretch! Mr. Querido and I are going to attend a marriage conference at the beach in less than a week! Two nights and three days ---KID FREE! We haven't done that since before Mr. Dramatic was born (almost seven years ago). So as much as I love my kiddos, I am so looking forward to getting some couple time with just my hubby. I don't have to share him for three whole days :)

Also, because it is a marriage retreat, we are believing that we are going to come back with some great tools to make our marriage even better!

Just the thought of listening to the soothing rhythm of the ocean makes me breathe deeper. Ahhhhhhh......

Stoking the Fire...

This morning we ran out of matches.

We used the last one to start up the fire. And now it is up to me to keep it burning all day long.

Normally, I can let it go and let it get cold and just throw some crumpled up newspaper in there, light a match and it blazes to life again. Today, I don't have that luxury. Now, I have to keep a constant watch to make sure it doesn't fizzle out completely.

I have had two close calls so far. Just barely warm embers that I have to coax flames out of. So if I don't want the kids and I to freeze today, I have to keep the fire on top of my to-do list. Until we can get to the store to get more matches, it is up to me to keep the fire burning.

This whole scenario got me to thinking. (And yes, it is about sex. What can I say, with my weekend getaway only 29 days away, that is uppermost on my mind as of late!) When I am mindful of my love life, it keeps the sexual fires stoked. It is easier to make that mental switch from mother/ housewife to lover when I have been consistently keeping the importance of our love life in mind. And it makes a difference in how I feel. I feel less like I am fulfilling an obligation and more like I am fulfilling a desire for my husband as well as myself.

How often have I let our "homefires" get pushed aside by the everyday needs of three children and life? How often do I keep the fires stoked and burning hot so our love life doesn't grow cold?

So I am going to light a match and keep close watch...

Shed A Little Light...

This weeks challenge is a good one! Now I came to the conclusion that we need a dimmer switch on our bedroom light...lol! So for now candles...a lot of candles...will work just fine.

Underlying the obvious, making love with the lights on is the issue of confidence. Do I have enough confidence about my body to allow him to see me nude? (Just sounds better than naked...lol) Do I have enough confidence in his desire of me and my body?

For me those are both hard ones to address. I for one don't feel that my body looks as fabulous as it did pre-children. How I love my babies, but my tummy is flat no more and the stretch marks are a bit unsightly. Yes, I know he went through the pregnancies with me and the changes were gradual and over a period of time, but still I long for the body I had before I had kids. Which makes me wonder if he does too? There comes the confidence part again. I have to trust that he loves and desires me just the way I am. Thank God my husband thinks and feels differently than I do...or we would never make love...lol...just kidding...maybe.

I think that this week's challenge sheds light on more than just our bedroom...

So here are some things I will be thinking about:

1) My husband takes great pleasure in seeing me naked. That is the way God designed him to be.
2) I need to work on my self-confidence levels.
3) God carved my body exactly as how He knew my husband would delight in it.
4) My husband appreciates it when I step out of my comfort zone :)
5) Thinking about our love life keeps the sexual fire stoked and HOT!

So I challenge you...shed a little light or a lot...whatever.

Sacred Joy Restored

Originally this post was written in July. But I was afraid it was too touchy of a subject to put on a Christian blog. However, the I Corinthians 7:5 Challenge and my husband's gentle prodding have emboldened me to actually publish it instead of letting it languish in the drafts file.

Today's post is going to be a little sensitive. I had a revelation while doing my Biblestudy. I am still going through that marriage Biblestudy I talked about here.

The topic was the sexual relationship inside of marriage. So, you have been forwarned. Also, let me remind my readers that this blog is always rated G for God-honoring. You will not find any crass, lewd or ungodly thoughts about sex here. And I do not profess to know everything there is to know about this topic either. I am simply sharing what God shared with me while I did my Biblestudy.

So, without further ado, let's dive in!


So what do you think about when you hear the word sex? Dark, dirty and shameful? Beautiful, God-pleasing and guilt-free? I must admit that my first inclination is to think the former rather than the latter. But, my views on sex within marriage have been tainted by sin. My husband and I had premarital sexual relations. Sadly, we were both Christians at the time. For a long time I thought that made what I did so much worse. I knew the truth and yet I traded it for a lie. In my eyes, that was much worse than someone who didn't know God and did that before they got saved. But sin is sin. In God's eyes there is no worse sin than the other. It all has the same effect: separation from God. For years, I believed the lie from Satan that because I had fallen in that area, I wouldn't have a testimony worth sharing. I had screwed up. There was no redemption in my eyes. But then I started to notice that most of the people in the Bible that God used, had sinned grieviously, such as I had. But He used them in spite of their sin. Our God is a God of redemption. I realize that God's plan for my life wasn't derailed back then. He still has a purpose for me, a good purpose. Not a second rate calling. He didn't look down and say "Well, I guess I can find a place for her to serve, but it's going to be a bit difficult considering the circumstances." He works through all kinds of people, with all kinds of sins in their past. Just the fact that my husband and I are still together is testament to His power, not ours. A while back, I read a statistic that impacted me. Out of five marriages that began with premarital relations, one in five will last beyond the first five years. We are already into our sixth year. Praise God! And we have three beautiful children whom we are raising up to serve and love the Lord. He truly creates beauty from ashes. From the ashes of the consuming fire of selfish lust, He created a strong relationship that glorifies Him.

Which brings me to today's revelation.

"Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge." Hebrews 13:4 (NKJV)

Do you know how many times I have read that verse and really not taken it to heart? Too many. But last night His Word spoke to me. The marriage bed is undefiled. What does defile mean? To make foul, dirty, or unclean; pollute; taint; debase. Another definition reads: to make impure for ceremonial use; desecrate. So undefiled would mean it is good, clean, unpolluted, not tainted, pure for ceremonial use and sacred. Do you think of sex as something sacred between you, your spouse and God? It never really sank in until last night. God created that special relationship. When a man and a woman come together within the protective bonds of marriage, it is a good thing in His eyes. We are suppose to enjoy each other and refresh each other. When I am pleasing my husband sexually, I am pleasing God too. Does that sound sacreligious to you? Sex and God, in the same sentence. Equating satisfying my husband with glorifying God. I will admit that there are parts of me that still feel (for lack of a better word) weird to even think of the two in the same context. But God even uses the sexual relationship to help define for us the relationship between Christ and the church (Eph 5:31-32). Why would He use something that isn't holy to define what is holy? The answer is simple. Sex, between a husband and wife is holy. God ordained it to be so.

Do you feel like your marriage bed has been defiled by sins from your past? I certainly did. But according to the Bible if I am in Christ I am made new and the old things have passed away. I don't have to let the sins from my past define who I am in the present or who I will become in the future. It says "all things are made new." All things is inclusive of everything. Everything, even my relationship with my husband can be made new if I am in Christ.

Here are my thoughts after reading those verses:
"The marriage bed is undefiled. He has cleansed me from all unrighteousness. My past sexual sin is covered under His Blood. My marriage bed is cleansed from past sin, wrong thoughts, mindsets or attitudes. My sexual relationship with my husband brings honor, not shame. I am no longer slave to my guilt. There is no condemnation because I am in Christ Jesus."

So I challenge you to revamp your thinking about the sexual relationship of marriage if your thinking doesn't line up with His. He created marital sex to reflect something holy. It is pure even if it didn't start off pure. Within marriage sex is holy and sacred. Don't let the world define it for you, let God define it for you. And if you have committed sexual sin in the past, confess it and He will forgive it and remember it no more then you too can start out anew, afresh.

Challenging!

Today I was reading my favorite mommy blog and she issued a challenge to all of us married ladies...



For thirty days I am PURPOSing to kiss my husband at least once a day--with passion!

I don't know about you, but when was the last time you had a soul-sizzling kiss with your man? One that gave you butterflies and goosebumps? Sigh. Yeah me too. Far too long ago.

So as I PURPOSE to make my marriage a priority, I am going to do so with PASSION !

Do you want to join me? Grab the button from the blog!

And, here is challenge number two, which takes a bit more energy...



Which, is something that also too often takes a back seat to every day life. This February, I am so excited because our church is having a marriage retreat at the beach. And we get to GO! Let me set the stage for you...we have not been away for a weekend with just the two of us EVER...we have been married almost seven years. Yeah, pathetic I know. But between babies and being broke, we just weren't able to fit it in.
Our dear friends from church have so graciously agreed to watch our three kids. GOD BLESS THEM! And we are going to rekindle the flame in our passion...as well as walk on the beach...lol!

So I figure jumping in on this I Corinthians 7:5 Challenge is just what I need to ramp up the expectation :)

You can join up with the IC7:5C at this blog.

Are you up for the challenge?

Cry Out

Battle for The Sanctity of Marriage

This Saturday November 1st, in San Diego, California there will be a massive gathering of people who are crying out to God for His divine intervention against the legalization of homosexual marriage. On November 4th, Proposition 8, a state constitutional amendment will be voted on in the state of California. It was originally titled The Marriage Protection Act, but has since been changed to the Eliminates Rights of Same-Sex Couples to Marry. If passed, this will protect traditional marriage between one man and one woman in the state of California. If it doesn't pass, homosexual marriage will be legalized in California.

Why does what happens in California matter? If gay marriage is legalized in California, same-sex couples from all other parts of our nation will flock to be legally wed and then will carry that union back to their home state. If this amendment fails, those same couples will go back to their respective states and sue the state government demanding that same-sex marriage be declared legal. What affects one part of our country, affects the whole. In the ominous words of Gavin Newsom, the mayor of San Francisco, “As California goes, so goes the nation.”

What will happen if gay marriage is legalized? There have already been clashes between religious liberties and gay marriage. Just last week first graders in San Francisco witnessed the marriage of their lesbian teacher and school officials called it "a teachable moment." These godless ideals will continue to infiltrate every part of our society, unless we take a stand for the truth.

God ordained marriage, not man. And He ordained it between one man and one woman.

Genesis 1:27
"So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them."

The Bible leaves no room for alternate interpretations of what God had in mind when He created marriage. It is only the foolish, arrogant presumption of man to think that we can redefine what has already been defined for thousands of years.

We are in a battle for the soul of our nation. This is just one battlefield of many. It is time for the Church to rise up. Who will speak for truth if we remain silent? Who will cry out against evil if we do not?

Our nation needs to return to the foundation of Biblical values that it was erected upon.

Cry out for the salvation of those who are lost. Cry out for the deliverance of those in bondage to sin. Pray for the truth to be revealed. Pray for love to be shown and demonstrated. We come not to condemn; but to show mercy, as we ourselves have been shown great mercy for our sins. We stand as beacons in darkness, shining forth the love and light of Jesus. Cry out for revival in the deadened hearts of our nation.

I will be praying on Saturday in support of the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman. We must turn back the tide of immorality that has gripped our nation and turn our hearts back to God. Cry out for mercy.

2 Chronicles 7:14
"If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land."

To hear more information about this amendment and the event at Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego, you can listen to the radio broadcast on Focus on the Family.

Happy Birthday Mr. Querido!

What can I say about the man I love? He is everything I never knew I wanted :) His heart follows closely after God and he walks in His steps. He is calm and methodical (the polar opposite of me... lol!). He is intelligent and very creative. He thinks outside of the box when I can only see the inside. He is a man of great integrity and strong character. He stands tall when others bow to peer pressure. He is confident of where he is going and what he is doing. He is the most awesome father to our three little ones. He is someone I would be proud to have my sons emulate. And I hope my daughter finds a man similar to him to marry. He is so patient and kind. He is a faithful provider for us. And he is the first example of godly manhood I had ever been exposed to. He is Christ-likeness exemplified. He is my companion for life and someone I enjoy sharing life with. I cannot imagine life without him. We have only been married six years, yet sometimes I feel as if it has been longer because we know each other so well. I could go on and on about him but I don't have that much blogging time..lol!

So Happy Birthday Querido...I love you!

Being Molded...

This week we had a caution flag waved frantically in our face. Our six year old, Mr. Dramatic took some candy and batteries from a store while he, Daddy and brother were purchasing milk. Fortunately the shoplifting was discovered right outside the doors of the store and all items were returned, but it made us wonder why he would do that!

I talked with my sage mother, Mrs. Sparks, who proffered the suggestion that perhaps we were saying "no" to his requests too often and he felt that was the only solution to get something that he wanted.

Now, by no means does that excuse his behavior and actions, but I started to think about that and replayed all the times I had said no to a request in the past week. Let's just say I couldn't remember many times when I had said yes.

I talked with Mr. Querido about it and he agreed that we needed to say yes more. To find ways of blessing our children rather than withholding simple treats. No, they do not need a treat every time they go to a store. But a something special every now and then lets them know that we think they are special too!

If God, the perfect Father, chooses to bestow blessings on us, imperfect children that we are, shouldn't we follow the example?

Our discussion hit profound depths of all aspects of our relationship with each other as well as the kids. We discovered areas that we are lacking and places where improvement is needed. So that we didn't lose sight of the goals we had set and the standards that were raised, we wrote them down!

Here is what we came up with:

I will be a good example of order and organization to my children (this one is mine to work on!)

I purpose not to be a perfectionist toward their performance of a task, but rather I will focus on their progress and celebrate each step. (this one is Mr. Querido's)

I purpose to shape my children rather than shoving them into a perfect mold (this one is both of ours)

I purpose to value them highly as God's great reward to me, rather than viewing them as interruptions and inconveniences (ouch...this one is both ours as well)

I purpose to be an excellent, not perfect but striving toward perfection in Him, reflection of Christ's character toward my children (again, a joint effort)

I purpose to cultivate a heart of willing obedience rather than compliant behavior in my children (another one we are working on together)

I purpose not to be lazy in my parenting (yep, both of us working on this one)

I purpose to parent them with love and respect (teamwork again!)

We talked about a lot of things tonight. And the best part is we really communicated, rather than just heating up the air. We heard each other's heart in the matter and we also purposed some things to each other as well.

I wanted to put down some more thoughts about some of the goals we set, but it is late and we are up early for church tomorrow. So perhaps on Monday I will delve deeper into our parental commitment.

Losing Our Minds but Not Our Sense of Humor!

Last night we had a friend fly in late (11pm) from Mexico. So we waited with his family to greet him. After all the hugging and back slapping (men..lol!) it was time for him to go home with his wife and baby daughter. We parted ways in the parking garage.

Toting three kids, my beloved and I wearily walked to our van. As we headed into the elevator, we realized that we didn't remember what level we were parked on. There are only six levels so how hard could the process of elimintaion be? We pressed P3 and whooshed up to that level. As we stepped out we immediately saw that our van was no where to be found. Although we found the white truck we had parked next to. Panic started to set in. Then we realized that it was the WRONG level. Whew! Our vehicle had not been stolen. Thank God! The only thing was is that we were hopelessly lost and had ABSOLUTELY no idea where our van was parked! So with a prayer and some humor we pressed P2 and arrived on the rental car floor. Definitely the wrong one. OK, for the sake of not boring you to death, it took us HALF AN HOUR of whooshing up and down the floors to find out that we were parked on the OPPOSITE SIDE of the parking garage!

I tell you, we could not have felt more dumb going up and down in the elevators with 2 tired toddlers and one very hungry baby. I imagine that airport security would probably have come to find us eventually...
Actually, I wonder what would have happened if we hadn't found out about the different sides of the parking garage.

The best part is that we had paid prior to reentering the garage and because we took SO LONG to find our vehicle, they wanted to charge us another $3!!! We pleaded insanity and they let us off the hook!

LOL! These are the kinds of situations that could have escalated into a full blown argument, blame-shifting, etc. But we both managed to see the humor in it...how many adults does it take to find their vehicle?..and we maanaged to stay happy with each other and just look at it as a really great workout!

I am so cracking up as I think about what the security footage must have looked like!

Mr. Independent thought that the whole fiasco was great fun. "Mama, we're silly!" he told me on the one-hundredth run up the elevator.

If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?

Celebrating Six Years!

My beloved and I have been married for six years today. Wow! Sometimes I feel like it has been twenty and other times I feel like I just said "I do".

I am so grateful for my husband. He is a blessing to me and our children. Words fail at this point to convey my feelings for him. I love him. He is my perfect complement in every respect. And there have been days when I didn't think we would ever make it to this point. God is good. And as we, Mr. Querido and I, like to say, "We are committed to being committed even if it gets us COMMITTED!" Some days the asylum seemed like a very real possibility...LOL! Yes, we drive each other crazy, but we wouldn't have it any other way. Our marriage is definitely not boring! I am constantly discovering something new about my husband.

Latest thing I didn't know about him... he likes CURLY hair. Guess what kind of hair I have...yup...stick straight! Six years I have slept next to this man and looked at him from across the table. Six years and just today I find out he likes CURLY HAIR...lol! So now I've got to figure out a way to make my hair meet his request. Sigh. Even perms fall out! Any ideas? Curling irons don't work either.

What are we doing to celebrate our anniversary? Not much of anything..LOL! He has school tonight and we are on a tight budget. I plan on making a nice dinner for us to share (hopefully the kids will cooperate and be ASLEEP) and he'll probably be so exhausted (he gets up at 6am and won't get home until 9:30pm) that we'll just fall asleep. Ah, romance. LOL

Nevertheless, I am grateful to be married to a faithful, loving, committed and kind husband. Besides, celebrating is what you make out of it, right?