Choice Tidbits From the Marriage Retreat:: Investing and the Dividends

These are my own personal insights from our marriage retreat. Please take what you want from here and apply it to your own marriage!


Reverend Tony Cooke was the guest minister at our marriage retreat. He started off the first session by giving us a Bible pop quiz. Could we tell him what I Cor 7:28 says about marriage? Well, I knew that I Cor 7:25 said "Don't deprive one another..." but I was stumped about verse 28! So was everyone else in the room!

What does I Cor 7:28 say? "But those who marry will have trouble in the flesh." What a great start to the retreat! I was beginning to wonder if we should get our money back!

He went on to say that it's not a matter of if I am going to have tension in my marriage, the issue is how to resolve it.
Prov 24:3-4 "Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches." I have to choose to live a life of investment in my marriage if I ever hope to get anything out of it.

As I thought about the above verse and statement, I realized that this whole time I have been living as a expector (someone who takes) rather than an investor (someone who gives). I had been expecting my husband to fulfill me and satisfy my desire for belonging. Which he does, to a certain extent. But it is not his job to do it all. I have to learn to rely on Christ and to find my identity in Him. And, just to be clear, I am not a little princess expecting my husband to grant my every whim. He isn't that type of man! And he wouldn't put up with a wife who was like that for very long! :)

Prov 11:29 "He who troubles his own house will inherit the wind.." People don't change until the pain is sufficient. I must learn to be proactive instead of reactive. What seeds am I investing into my marriage?
Prov 14:1 "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her own hands." (Emphasis mine) Do I have an investment mentality? Be 100% not just 50/50.

What investing are you doing into your relationship with your husband? I realized on our marriage retreat that we had both stopped investing in our relationship. The first five years of our marriage we were just in survival mode, struggling to make it work. When you are in a crisis mode like that for so long, you focus on the larger problems and everything else gets shoved aside. Well, the fun in our relationship--our companionship---was the first thing to suffer. On our way up to the retreat, Mr. Q and I were discussing what first attracted us to each other. (Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't because of looks (although that was a nice bonus!), or money, or status.) It is sad to admit, but we both had kind of forgotten what had drawn us together. We talked some more and realized that our dates weren't extravagant (taco cart anyone?), weren't activity laden (walking on the beach, hiking up a waterfall), the only common thread between them was we spent them together. We rediscovered that we liked spending time together. That was what made our times together enjoyable. In the whirlwind that is raising children and eking out a living, we had lost sight of the togetherness factor. We purposed that we would reinvigorate that part of our relationship. We would find ways to spend time together even if we couldn't get someone to watch the kids. We are going to make our marriage a priority.

You are investing into a part of your marriage right now, whether or not you are aware. Whatever we give our time to, our resources, ourselves, that is what is truly important to us. Does your life declare that your marriage is a priority? We were told to take a look into our checkbook and see what it was we truly valued. What would your checkbook say about you? While I am happy to say that our checkbook reflects tithe checks, offering checks, and the basics such as utilities, clothing, groceries, etc.; I am ashamed to admit that prior to the marriage retreat if you had based our relationship solely on what could be found in our checkbook, you would have not even known that we had a marriage!

What are the dividends that your relationship will yield?