Recently I read two blog posts that were inspired by a show done on Oprah. Apparently this show decided to show the real life of a SAHM.
What was really sad is that both of the bloggers focused on the negative side.
Admittedly, yes, there are those days or even weeks when you feel like if you have to pick up one more cheerio or say "Go clean your room" one more time, you...will...lose...your...mind. Oh, I'm not denying the days when it feels like the children are going to pull you apart with the "mommy, mommy, mommy"s.
But what about the benefits of staying at home? Are there none? Do we do this to torture ourselves with unending housework and obnoxious, ungrateful children? Do we "chain" ourselves to our homes because we prefer martyrdom?
NO!
Then why do I stay at home?When I was working part-time and my husband worked full-time, we were on such a tight schedule (He worked from 7:30am until 4pm and then we would meet at my workplace at 4:30pm, switch cars, talk for 15 minutes and then I would head into my building to work from 5pm-11pm, arriving at home at 11:30pm where he would often be asleep because he had to get up at 6am.) to avoid putting our children in daycare, that we saw very little of each other. Our marriage felt non-existent and we truly felt like roommates rather than lifemates. My primary reason for staying at home was to reconnect with my husband. I love being home when he comes home, greeting him with a kiss and a cup of coffee. I love creating a peaceful, welcoming atmosphere here that causes him to shed any worries or concerns at the door. It makes me so thankful when the kids come running and screaming "Daddy's home!" as they hear the key turn in the lock at 4:30pm. And I know he loves it too.
Another obvious reason is, of course, seeing our children. When I was working, I didn't have much energy for interacting, creating or patience. I feel like those years, my boys got the leftovers of mommy. Whereas now, I can take the time to admire a picture drawn or a job well done. I have the luxury of being present, fully present, to watch tender affections between my sons and daughter. I get to experience the joy of watching them grow in their relationship and knowledge of God. I finally get to be a full-time mom.
Being a SAHM saves my family money. This was not a by-product of stepping out of the rat race that I had ever considered before. I knew quitting my job would cost us income, but I never dreamed that being a home manager meant that I would be able to cut costs so effectively that I, in essence, create income. I treat it like a job, devoting whatever hours and energy are necessary to reach the end goal---having money leftover between paychecks. It has become a personal hobby...one that saves me money rather than causing me to spend money. I don't scrapbook..I coupon!
Creating order in my home is something I am still working on. For some reason I didn't magically get the Suzie Q Homemaker gene when I joined the association. Sigh. My goal is to get to the point where my husband doesn't have to ask if he has clean socks and I don't have to go pull a pair out of the dryer... I am striving toward creating more healthy and frugal meals that everyone loves. Split pea soup is something only I like, so scratch that off the meal list! Learning new ways to be frugal is now a fun way to pass the time. I have exchanged my fabric softener for vinegar, my dishwashing detergent for washing soda, my disinfectant for rubbing alcohol and my house has never sparkled more! Before I started on this journey to frugality, I didn't know you could make your own laundry soap or cleaners! It never occured to me that years ago people did that sort of thing. Being able to stay at home has made me a more creative person.
And, lastly, and most selfishly, I stay at home for me. I was never cut out for the cutthroat environment of the corporate world. I prefer a place where my only competition is the dryer and that pile of dirty clothes. I may not get a paycheck or health benefits, but how can I place a dollar value on my family's appreciation of me or number the advantages to my family and me to have someone keeping the home full time? The answer, in short, there is no monetary value that I can place on my family's peace.
My marriage has improved. My kids are better behaved. My home runs smoother. I am having more fun being a home manager than I EVER did as an administrative assistant!
Yes, being a SAHM does come with its daily challenges. But let's not lose sight of why we do it. We create our family and the environment in which that family will wither or thrive. We are keepers of the home....guardians.
Why do you do it?
