"Or ever the silver cord be loosed, or the golden bowl be broken, or the pitcher be broken at the fountain, or the wheel broken at the cistern.
Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it."
Ecclesiastes 12:6-7 KJV
A week ago, my grandfather passed on to be in the arms of Jesus. He lived a long and full life, it was his time to return to the One Who gave him that life.
He was an amazing man, full of vitality and creativity. I am sure that my mom got her share from him! I remember him as a soft-spoken, gentle person who loved to laugh. He always had a hug for me and my sister. And when my parents got divorced, he was a source of strength for both my mom and sister (I was married by then, so my hubby was able to be my source of strength and Grandpa knew that). When I miscarried, he prayed for comfort. When our daughter, Miss Precious, was born a year later, he rejoiced with us in God's faithfulness. Family was everything to him.
This Friday I go to attend his funeral.
He will be missed. But we rejoice in the fact that he is with the One Who loves him infinitely.
"But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus."
I Thessalonians 4:13-14
FIVE IN THE POTTER'S HAND
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Empty
After sending the letter to my father, I find that I am VERY attached to my email in-box. I keep checking it every hour or so. And it stares back at me...empty. My spam box mocks me with its contents. For all intents and purposes, it stands empty as well.
My mailbox at the curb is empty as well.
Empty. It is the same feeling that is echoed by my heart.
I cannot help but wonder if he has received my letter but chose to crumple it up and throw it away. Much like he has done with our relationship.
Or did he read every word that poured from my heart? Could he have been waiting for this courier of redemption?
But all I hear right now is the silence and the hollow echo of my mailbox as I shut it.
And my heart stands empty, waiting for his response...
My mailbox at the curb is empty as well.
Empty. It is the same feeling that is echoed by my heart.
I cannot help but wonder if he has received my letter but chose to crumple it up and throw it away. Much like he has done with our relationship.
Or did he read every word that poured from my heart? Could he have been waiting for this courier of redemption?
But all I hear right now is the silence and the hollow echo of my mailbox as I shut it.
And my heart stands empty, waiting for his response...
Sunday, December 28, 2008
"You've Got Mail" ...I Hope
Well, after much deliberation on my part, and a LOT of prayer, I sent off my letter to my dad. In it I told him if he wanted to communicate, we could start via email.
I am pretty sure he would have received it by now. So every day, I check my email. Hoping that there is something from him. I even check my spam.
Still nothing.
A part of me must learn to accept the fact that he might not want a relationship with me. He might just want to keep living his life the way he has and forget the messy, complicated part of being a parent.
Or maybe he is just trying to find the right words to say...
Whatever the outcome, I know that God will sustain me and that even if my earthly father abandons me, my Heavenly Father never will.
This Wednesday, the 31st, is my dad's sixty-second birthday. I gave him the only gift I could. It didn't come with a bow or very prettily wrapped. In fact there were no strings attached.
Forgiveness. I gave my dad forgiveness.
Happy Birthday Dad.
I am pretty sure he would have received it by now. So every day, I check my email. Hoping that there is something from him. I even check my spam.
Still nothing.
A part of me must learn to accept the fact that he might not want a relationship with me. He might just want to keep living his life the way he has and forget the messy, complicated part of being a parent.
Or maybe he is just trying to find the right words to say...
Whatever the outcome, I know that God will sustain me and that even if my earthly father abandons me, my Heavenly Father never will.
This Wednesday, the 31st, is my dad's sixty-second birthday. I gave him the only gift I could. It didn't come with a bow or very prettily wrapped. In fact there were no strings attached.
Forgiveness. I gave my dad forgiveness.
Happy Birthday Dad.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Girly Grins and Giggles...
Her first Christmas, that she remembers :) Wouldn't this make the most adorable Christmas card photo?
I just cannot get enough of her grin!
Her first expression upon seeing snow...
Here she is posing coyly for the camera...she reminds me so much of my little sister!
She had discovered she could reach the chocolate shake remains that her brothers left on the table just within her reach...
There is something about her eyes that draws me in...I love her so...
When I first found out I was pregnant with our third and that she was to be a girl, I could not imagine what life would be like. Up until that point, my life had been all about little boys. But I am so thankful that God graced us with her! She brings spunk, spice and little bits of sugar into our life...calorie free too! :)
Can't Wait....
In the quiet hours before dawn broke crisply over my city, I was busy creating a present for my sister and her hubby.
I can't divulge many details, because she occasionally reads my blog.
I promise to post a picture when Christmas is over and she has received her gift.
But I really surprised myself...I have talents I didn't even know about!
Can't wait to share my first artistic masterpiece!
I can't divulge many details, because she occasionally reads my blog.
I promise to post a picture when Christmas is over and she has received her gift.
But I really surprised myself...I have talents I didn't even know about!
Can't wait to share my first artistic masterpiece!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
What Is Your In-Box?
I was watching a DVD called "Designed For Success" and the speaker mentioned something about in-boxes that I have never considered before. Are you ready for this great enlightenment?
An in-box isn't supposed to be empty.
If it is empty you are out of a job!
However, an in-box isn't supposed to be a mountainous pile of paper either...
But I started to ask myself "If I don't work in the corporate world, what is my in box?"
And I discovered what the homemaker's equivalent to the in box is....the laundry pile.
It is never, EVER finished.
But rather than grumble and complain about that, I am going to remember this...if it were empty, I would be out of a job...there would be no beloved family members creating dirty laundry.
How sad would that be!
So I am going to find purpose and joy, even in the piles of dirty laundry.
Excuse me while I go process some things in my "in-box"...
An in-box isn't supposed to be empty.
If it is empty you are out of a job!
However, an in-box isn't supposed to be a mountainous pile of paper either...
But I started to ask myself "If I don't work in the corporate world, what is my in box?"
And I discovered what the homemaker's equivalent to the in box is....the laundry pile.
It is never, EVER finished.
But rather than grumble and complain about that, I am going to remember this...if it were empty, I would be out of a job...there would be no beloved family members creating dirty laundry.
How sad would that be!
So I am going to find purpose and joy, even in the piles of dirty laundry.
Excuse me while I go process some things in my "in-box"...
Random Thoughts About Snow...
Today our city is blanketed in frozen snow. We will not be going anywhere.
The kids are anxious to get outside and make snowmen.
Did I mention it is only 24 degrees outside? And with the windchill factor, it brings it down to 11 degrees!
They will probably only stay out for fifteen minutes...or less...the wind is really blowing!
Yes, I am a wimp when it comes to cold weather.
My sister who lives in Alaska is probably laughing at me right now. They are supposed to get down to zero sometime this week.
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Thank You Lord for a nice, functioning wood stove! I love the smell of woodsmoke. It is something so homey and comforting.
I am off to enjoy the snow day with my kids!
The kids are anxious to get outside and make snowmen.
Did I mention it is only 24 degrees outside? And with the windchill factor, it brings it down to 11 degrees!
They will probably only stay out for fifteen minutes...or less...the wind is really blowing!
Yes, I am a wimp when it comes to cold weather.
My sister who lives in Alaska is probably laughing at me right now. They are supposed to get down to zero sometime this week.
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Thank You Lord for a nice, functioning wood stove! I love the smell of woodsmoke. It is something so homey and comforting.
I am off to enjoy the snow day with my kids!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Dirty Laundry
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the Word."
Ephesians 5:25-26
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."
John 1:1
As I wrote my father a letter, this revelation came. Isn't it funny how when you are in obedience to His will, He speaks? :)
The Word that is mentioned in Ephesians is Jesus. He washes us with Himself. The Bible is Jesus in print.
I am sure many of you have figured that one out long before I did, but it was like my eyes were opened and I saw my Bible for the very first time.
The Word of God is Jesus.
"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us..."
John 1:14
Submersion in Him makes me clean. You can only be submerged if you choose to stay under. I have to make a conscious decision to stay in the Word. And it says "washing" which means that it is done more than once. As all of us know who are in charge of the laundry...washing is a continual thing that has to be done. We do not stay clean. Our clothes tend toward entropy. And just as our wardrobes do, so also do our souls.
We get dirty daily. Our lives are contaminated by the filth of our sin nature. But we don't have to leave the dirty laundry on the floor to mildew and putrify. We can take ourselves to the WORD and be cleansed.
Thank You Lord for the Word!
It is only in the Word, Jesus, that we are sanctified and made holy. We are washed and reclothed in His righteousness.
Praise the Lord for that!
Ephesians 5:25-26
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."
John 1:1
As I wrote my father a letter, this revelation came. Isn't it funny how when you are in obedience to His will, He speaks? :)
The Word that is mentioned in Ephesians is Jesus. He washes us with Himself. The Bible is Jesus in print.
I am sure many of you have figured that one out long before I did, but it was like my eyes were opened and I saw my Bible for the very first time.
The Word of God is Jesus.
"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us..."
John 1:14
Submersion in Him makes me clean. You can only be submerged if you choose to stay under. I have to make a conscious decision to stay in the Word. And it says "washing" which means that it is done more than once. As all of us know who are in charge of the laundry...washing is a continual thing that has to be done. We do not stay clean. Our clothes tend toward entropy. And just as our wardrobes do, so also do our souls.
We get dirty daily. Our lives are contaminated by the filth of our sin nature. But we don't have to leave the dirty laundry on the floor to mildew and putrify. We can take ourselves to the WORD and be cleansed.
Thank You Lord for the Word!
It is only in the Word, Jesus, that we are sanctified and made holy. We are washed and reclothed in His righteousness.
Praise the Lord for that!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Teeter-Totter...
Recently I have been thinking about my estranged father, a lot. I have even dreamed about him once or twice. We haven't spoken in over three years.
He knows nothing about Miss Precious.
The whole thing is just too complicated to explain in one post. And far too lengthy to constrain to a couple of posts. So I will give you the brief version.
My father and mother got divorced when I was 25....I think. I can't remember that well.
His lifestyle was not one that I wanted to be displayed near my impressionable young boys (ages 3 and 1 at that point). So after trying to make our relationship work, and finding out it was rather one-sided, I decided to cut him loose.
Cutting someone out of your life isn't as easy as it sounds. With the severing comes the tearing of the soft parts in your heart. The fragile tissues of your soul that still hold onto hope of a better relationship. Those emotions don't relinquish their hold on your heart. Only by the flood of many scalding and anguished tears are those heartstrings weakened.
Eventually, I went many days, then months, then years without him coming to mind. After careful practice of pushing him aside, out of memory, I realized he had ceased to exist in my world.
Until now.
I don't know if it is just the familial atmosphere of Christmastime or just fond memories come to haunt the holidays, but for some reason, I have been contemplating contacting him.
I tried looking him up in the Yellow Pages. No listing. I even tried a person search. I found out that he was still living in the same city as before.
Here is where the complications arise. I am in the Yellow Pages too. He could find me if he really wanted to. He could call me. So why doesn't he?
All growing up I had to be the adult between us. I am tired of being the adult in my relationship with my father. I want to be the little girl who crawls up into his lap for a welcoming hug.
How I yearn for that hug.
And so I go back and forth between desperately longing to have him be part of my life, and stubbornly trying to close the door on that part of my life.
I am scared to open the door. Who is on the other side?
And of course, because I am a Christian, the issue of forgiveness arises.
Can you forgive someone and still not have them be a part of your life? Can you bring closure to the situation without talking to them?
Have I forgiven him already, but because I don't feel it, do I just continue to torture myself?
I don't hate him. I feel really nothing for him at all. Numbness born of many disappointments.
And how do I reintroduce him to my kids if I decide to let him be a part of our lives again? My oldest still remembers him at times. Oh, I have prayed that he would forget the man that didn't wish to be father or grandfather. But children love so easily and wholeheartedly. Which is why they have parents to protect them.
I am so conflicted!
I know who my father was. But what if he has changed? Does he get a second chance?
What if he hasn't changed? Can I deal with that all over again?
If it only affected me, I might have contacted him sooner. But because it includes my husband and children, I am reluctant to reconcile.
You may think that I bear bitterness and hatred toward him. I don't. There is much sadness wrapped up in my relationship with my father, but no bitterness. He was bitter, but I refused to allow that to contaminate my life. He pushed me away, not the other way around.
Please don't judge my actions. Only God can do that with accuracy.
So I go back and forth, on a teeter-totter of indecision.
He knows nothing about Miss Precious.
The whole thing is just too complicated to explain in one post. And far too lengthy to constrain to a couple of posts. So I will give you the brief version.
My father and mother got divorced when I was 25....I think. I can't remember that well.
His lifestyle was not one that I wanted to be displayed near my impressionable young boys (ages 3 and 1 at that point). So after trying to make our relationship work, and finding out it was rather one-sided, I decided to cut him loose.
Cutting someone out of your life isn't as easy as it sounds. With the severing comes the tearing of the soft parts in your heart. The fragile tissues of your soul that still hold onto hope of a better relationship. Those emotions don't relinquish their hold on your heart. Only by the flood of many scalding and anguished tears are those heartstrings weakened.
Eventually, I went many days, then months, then years without him coming to mind. After careful practice of pushing him aside, out of memory, I realized he had ceased to exist in my world.
Until now.
I don't know if it is just the familial atmosphere of Christmastime or just fond memories come to haunt the holidays, but for some reason, I have been contemplating contacting him.
I tried looking him up in the Yellow Pages. No listing. I even tried a person search. I found out that he was still living in the same city as before.
Here is where the complications arise. I am in the Yellow Pages too. He could find me if he really wanted to. He could call me. So why doesn't he?
All growing up I had to be the adult between us. I am tired of being the adult in my relationship with my father. I want to be the little girl who crawls up into his lap for a welcoming hug.
How I yearn for that hug.
And so I go back and forth between desperately longing to have him be part of my life, and stubbornly trying to close the door on that part of my life.
I am scared to open the door. Who is on the other side?
And of course, because I am a Christian, the issue of forgiveness arises.
Can you forgive someone and still not have them be a part of your life? Can you bring closure to the situation without talking to them?
Have I forgiven him already, but because I don't feel it, do I just continue to torture myself?
I don't hate him. I feel really nothing for him at all. Numbness born of many disappointments.
And how do I reintroduce him to my kids if I decide to let him be a part of our lives again? My oldest still remembers him at times. Oh, I have prayed that he would forget the man that didn't wish to be father or grandfather. But children love so easily and wholeheartedly. Which is why they have parents to protect them.
I am so conflicted!
I know who my father was. But what if he has changed? Does he get a second chance?
What if he hasn't changed? Can I deal with that all over again?
If it only affected me, I might have contacted him sooner. But because it includes my husband and children, I am reluctant to reconcile.
You may think that I bear bitterness and hatred toward him. I don't. There is much sadness wrapped up in my relationship with my father, but no bitterness. He was bitter, but I refused to allow that to contaminate my life. He pushed me away, not the other way around.
Please don't judge my actions. Only God can do that with accuracy.
So I go back and forth, on a teeter-totter of indecision.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas!
Just for the record, can I say that Christmas is my all-time, hands-down, no-holds-barred, absolutely FAVORITE season of the whole year?
The whole world just seems to light up a little bit more...
And so does my house!
The "Joy" and "Peace" ornaments I got at Dollar Tree...this year Dollar Tree has AMAZING Christmas stuff! I went slightly berserk...
We get our tree this weekend...yay!
What is Christmas looking like at your house?
The War of Words....
Mr. Q and I played our very first game of Scrabble together.
Honestly, I didn't think he would be interested in playing at all. You see, I thought Scrabble was for people who like to read and who enjoy vocabulary words...my husband didn't really fit into that stereotype.
But he surprised me with words like "redness" (he whooped me with that one...THIRTY-FOUR points on a single word!!!).
I am so proud of him.
Although, I do recall having a twenty-six point word...something like "xenon"....
The war ended peaceably. One side did triumph over the other, but we really both won in the long run :)
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
One Of These Is Not Like The Other....
Other than the adorable cutie I am posing with, what is the difference?
Before:
After:
(Okay, I have no idea what is up with the smirky grin on my face...you get a little silly when you attempt to take pictures of yourself, by yourself!)
I got new glasses! And I only paid $138.69 for them at Costco! What a bargain! Plus, they still have their polish dog meal deals for $1.50...just like I remember :)
Before:
After:
(Okay, I have no idea what is up with the smirky grin on my face...you get a little silly when you attempt to take pictures of yourself, by yourself!)
I got new glasses! And I only paid $138.69 for them at Costco! What a bargain! Plus, they still have their polish dog meal deals for $1.50...just like I remember :)
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