I have lost my blogging mojo.
I think it is because I have been so busy and so tired lately.
Still trying to wean Miss Precious...she is tenaciously holding on (not literally of course).
Our family/schoolroom is almost done! My hubby and a neighbor texturized the walls last night. Now it is my job to paint it! I am so excited!!! It looks so good. I still haven't gotten batteries for my camera so no photos just yet.
My hubby is almost done with school! He is taking his tests this weekend! I am so proud of him!
My boys are thoroughly enjoying the summertime sun and our big backyard :)
And me, I'm just trying to keep up with it all!
FIVE IN THE POTTER'S HAND
Showing posts with label Musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Musings. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Trying Days...
Today is just one of those days.
I woke up this morning and felt pretty cruddy. After I got my hubby off to work, I crawled back in bed and proceeded to fall asleep for another four hours.
My sons come running to tell me the TV isn't working. I inspect it and realize that someone has cut the DVD cords and then tried to tape them back together. When confronted with the evidence, my son lied to me about who had done it. Didn't he learn his lesson last time? Apparently not.
Then my other son spends a l-o-o-n-g time in the bathroom doing his business. Flushes the toilet and proceeds to flood my bathroom floor. I shut the door and I am trying not to think about it.
My husband is due home in about a half hour and I still haven't gotten any schooling done for today with the kids.
The only bright spot to this otherwise dreary Monday is that my daughter went down for a nap without needing to nurse! I plugged the pacifier in and lay with her and she drifted off peacefully.
Did I mention I am extremely drained of all energy today?
Why don't mothers get sick days? Why is it that when you feel your worst your kids start acting up? It is like they have illness radar!
Sigh. Today is a trying day because I am trying to not be upset with the darlings, trying not to think about my flooded bathroom floor, trying not to count the minutes down until I have respite, trying to remember why I signed up for this career-choice and trying to not feel guilty about all of the above.
I woke up this morning and felt pretty cruddy. After I got my hubby off to work, I crawled back in bed and proceeded to fall asleep for another four hours.
My sons come running to tell me the TV isn't working. I inspect it and realize that someone has cut the DVD cords and then tried to tape them back together. When confronted with the evidence, my son lied to me about who had done it. Didn't he learn his lesson last time? Apparently not.
Then my other son spends a l-o-o-n-g time in the bathroom doing his business. Flushes the toilet and proceeds to flood my bathroom floor. I shut the door and I am trying not to think about it.
My husband is due home in about a half hour and I still haven't gotten any schooling done for today with the kids.
The only bright spot to this otherwise dreary Monday is that my daughter went down for a nap without needing to nurse! I plugged the pacifier in and lay with her and she drifted off peacefully.
Did I mention I am extremely drained of all energy today?
Why don't mothers get sick days? Why is it that when you feel your worst your kids start acting up? It is like they have illness radar!
Sigh. Today is a trying day because I am trying to not be upset with the darlings, trying not to think about my flooded bathroom floor, trying not to count the minutes down until I have respite, trying to remember why I signed up for this career-choice and trying to not feel guilty about all of the above.
Powerful Words
God brings people into your life, just when you need them the most. He gives people words to say when you need to really hear them.
Upon hearing my feelings about my father voiced, my stepdad--Mr. Sparks--told my mom: "His loss is my gain."
Five words. Ordinary words. But they so touched me. His words of affirmation and worth blessed me. Five understated words transferred value onto me.
Yes, my biological father may have abdicated his position in my life. But God brought another father-figure to fill that void. One who is willing to cherish me. Which is what I have always wanted.
My stepdad is soft-spoken and a man of few words. But when he speaks, he speaks with purpose and sincerity. What he said, he meant. It wasn't for show, or pity. His Christ-like compassion obliterated my feelings of neglect and abandonment. My father may never choose to become a part of my life. In contrast, here is a man who has no ties to me except for marrying my mother and he chooses to be involved with and care about me.
I am so grateful for him becoming my family!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I challenge you to see in what ways your words can be used for blessing someone else. Let's speak life into each other's lives!
Proverbs 18:21
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit."
Proverbs 25:11
"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver."
Don't forget to adorn those around you with your speech! Make those around you feel beautiful and treasured with your words.
Upon hearing my feelings about my father voiced, my stepdad--Mr. Sparks--told my mom: "His loss is my gain."
Five words. Ordinary words. But they so touched me. His words of affirmation and worth blessed me. Five understated words transferred value onto me.
Yes, my biological father may have abdicated his position in my life. But God brought another father-figure to fill that void. One who is willing to cherish me. Which is what I have always wanted.
My stepdad is soft-spoken and a man of few words. But when he speaks, he speaks with purpose and sincerity. What he said, he meant. It wasn't for show, or pity. His Christ-like compassion obliterated my feelings of neglect and abandonment. My father may never choose to become a part of my life. In contrast, here is a man who has no ties to me except for marrying my mother and he chooses to be involved with and care about me.
I am so grateful for him becoming my family!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I challenge you to see in what ways your words can be used for blessing someone else. Let's speak life into each other's lives!
Proverbs 18:21
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit."
Proverbs 25:11
"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver."
Don't forget to adorn those around you with your speech! Make those around you feel beautiful and treasured with your words.
Friday, February 13, 2009
The Void
It has been a month since I sent off my letter to my father. And still my email and mail boxes stand empty.
While chatting with my sister tonight I asked her if she had received any correspondence from him. She said no. And she had sent off a letter over a month ago too. Her last words were: "So he's disappeared again." Just matter of fact. Which is sad but true.
Our father may have been present physically, but emotionally, he disappeared long ago. It was like trying to love a ghost. And you can only work so hard and put so much of yourself out there before you break. I reached my breaking point three years ago. Since then, while my heart mended ever so slowly, I have only heard from him once. And that was in the first year of our estrangement. He sent my sister and me Christmas cards with the words: 'I love you and I am still your father.' As I read those words, they infuriated me. How dare he presume that he could hold that title over my head? What love? Love would have sacrificed himself and spent hours searching the internet trying to locate me. Just as I have spent hours trying to find him. Love would have never let go of his daughter in the first place. Love would have never given up. Love would have kept trying to woo his daughter's heart back. Love would have cared enough to be involved.
And so I sit here on Valentine's Day Eve thinking back to the last Valentine's I spent with him. Instead of writing a Valentine's Day missive, I was helping him with his resume. Questioning him on his career habits. Questioning him on his life habits. And as I heard the response he so transparently gave, I sat in stunned disbelief as I listened to the death knell of my family.
Divorce rips your family apart. Even as a 25-year old adult this divorce shredded my heart. I felt like my whole life growing up had been one big fat lie. I remember that I used to feel so secure in the fact that my parents still held hands even after 20+ years of marriage. I vividly recall wanting my own marriage to be that way. To find out it was all a farce, made me feel so lost.
It made me question if I could really have a marriage that thrived. Rather than one that lay gasping for its last breath in the space between us. Then my beloved husband reminded me that he was not like my father. We would be different. We would make it. We would be committed to being committed. We would love fiercely and not ever let go of each other.
I wish my father could have been the same as my husband. I wish he could have loved me fiercely and never let go. My parents' marriage may have ended, but did my father-daughter relationship have to end with it?
I feel like he has moved on and swept me under the rug. Forgotten.
And so I sit here on Valentine's Day Eve with a void in my life. I opened up my heart expectantly but now all I hear is the whooshing sound of hope being extinguished.
While chatting with my sister tonight I asked her if she had received any correspondence from him. She said no. And she had sent off a letter over a month ago too. Her last words were: "So he's disappeared again." Just matter of fact. Which is sad but true.
Our father may have been present physically, but emotionally, he disappeared long ago. It was like trying to love a ghost. And you can only work so hard and put so much of yourself out there before you break. I reached my breaking point three years ago. Since then, while my heart mended ever so slowly, I have only heard from him once. And that was in the first year of our estrangement. He sent my sister and me Christmas cards with the words: 'I love you and I am still your father.' As I read those words, they infuriated me. How dare he presume that he could hold that title over my head? What love? Love would have sacrificed himself and spent hours searching the internet trying to locate me. Just as I have spent hours trying to find him. Love would have never let go of his daughter in the first place. Love would have never given up. Love would have kept trying to woo his daughter's heart back. Love would have cared enough to be involved.
And so I sit here on Valentine's Day Eve thinking back to the last Valentine's I spent with him. Instead of writing a Valentine's Day missive, I was helping him with his resume. Questioning him on his career habits. Questioning him on his life habits. And as I heard the response he so transparently gave, I sat in stunned disbelief as I listened to the death knell of my family.
Divorce rips your family apart. Even as a 25-year old adult this divorce shredded my heart. I felt like my whole life growing up had been one big fat lie. I remember that I used to feel so secure in the fact that my parents still held hands even after 20+ years of marriage. I vividly recall wanting my own marriage to be that way. To find out it was all a farce, made me feel so lost.
It made me question if I could really have a marriage that thrived. Rather than one that lay gasping for its last breath in the space between us. Then my beloved husband reminded me that he was not like my father. We would be different. We would make it. We would be committed to being committed. We would love fiercely and not ever let go of each other.
I wish my father could have been the same as my husband. I wish he could have loved me fiercely and never let go. My parents' marriage may have ended, but did my father-daughter relationship have to end with it?
I feel like he has moved on and swept me under the rug. Forgotten.
And so I sit here on Valentine's Day Eve with a void in my life. I opened up my heart expectantly but now all I hear is the whooshing sound of hope being extinguished.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Arrggghhh!!!
Well, I wanted to upload some photos of the "in-process" painting...BUT Blogger isn't uploading photos! So stay tuned...
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Money Management Or Lack Thereof
WHAT?!?!?!?!
How is that the government can just throw money hither and yon? And I am expected to pay for their indulgences?
It's great for first-time homebuyers, but what about those who aren't sitting around with their hands out begging the government for money? What about those hard-working American families who pay their mortgage on time, don't have bills in arrears, are frugal and wise with their money, and CAN FOLLOW a budget? Do we get a "You've Been So Good With Your Money We Think You Should Be Rewarded" tax break? Nope.
Sigh. I am so glad that God's economy is not subject to our economy. And that He rewards those who are faithful stewards! But it is soooo annoying to me that banks that have been foolish are given a bailout, companies that should go under are given a life preserver worth millions of dollars and now first time homebuyers are given a credit that I am going to have to end up paying for eventually. I wish we could elect officials that know how to manage money wisely.
Okay, I am done venting.
How is that the government can just throw money hither and yon? And I am expected to pay for their indulgences?
It's great for first-time homebuyers, but what about those who aren't sitting around with their hands out begging the government for money? What about those hard-working American families who pay their mortgage on time, don't have bills in arrears, are frugal and wise with their money, and CAN FOLLOW a budget? Do we get a "You've Been So Good With Your Money We Think You Should Be Rewarded" tax break? Nope.
Sigh. I am so glad that God's economy is not subject to our economy. And that He rewards those who are faithful stewards! But it is soooo annoying to me that banks that have been foolish are given a bailout, companies that should go under are given a life preserver worth millions of dollars and now first time homebuyers are given a credit that I am going to have to end up paying for eventually. I wish we could elect officials that know how to manage money wisely.
Okay, I am done venting.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
I Really Miss...
My cable TV (with back to back episdoes of my favorite decorating shows on HGTV) on days when I get sick..like today. I really miss my housekeeper..oh wait, I am the housekeeper. I really miss my live-in nanny....oops again, that's me!
Sigh, all joking aside, I feel pretty icky today and I don't feel like attending to the needs of my three children, I just want to crawl in bed and sleep. For a LONG time.
But sleep is not in my job description I guess. Rats, it's always the fine print...
Sigh, all joking aside, I feel pretty icky today and I don't feel like attending to the needs of my three children, I just want to crawl in bed and sleep. For a LONG time.
But sleep is not in my job description I guess. Rats, it's always the fine print...
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
The Paradox...
Lately, I have come to the conclusion that I am a bit of a paradox.
I love being organized. However, you wouldn't know that by looking at the state of my home. Oh sure, I could blame it on the kids. But that wouldn't be entirely true. I could also blame it on my lack of funds to purchase better organizing goodies. But that too would be a half truth.
The sad fact is that I love being organized, but I am a terrible time manager! If I were an employee, I would have been fired long ago. Oh, I start off with the best of intentions. But inevitably I get sidetracked by something else. Say for example, hypothetically of course, blogging. Not that I ever let that get in the way of my organization. *clears throat*
Speaking of getting sidetracked... oh wait, what was I talking about?
And I most certainly can blame the lack of functioning brain cells on my dear daughter who doesn't sleep through the night completely yet.
It wouldn't be such a horrible malady if it didn't interfere in the harmonious relationship that is my marriage. My husband is a neat-freak. I love him for it. But we are total opposites of the housecleaning spectrum. God bless him, he doesn't complain all that much. He's a saint really.
Saint Mr. Clean, that is.
He can bust out a room in one-fourth the amount of time it takes me. He is focused. Determined. Driven. I, on the other hand, am not really described accurately by any of those above adjectives.
But I am a paradox because I want to be. When will the neat-freak house cleaner in me be freed from the time management failure she is imprisoned in? Only time will tell.
I love being organized. However, you wouldn't know that by looking at the state of my home. Oh sure, I could blame it on the kids. But that wouldn't be entirely true. I could also blame it on my lack of funds to purchase better organizing goodies. But that too would be a half truth.
The sad fact is that I love being organized, but I am a terrible time manager! If I were an employee, I would have been fired long ago. Oh, I start off with the best of intentions. But inevitably I get sidetracked by something else. Say for example, hypothetically of course, blogging. Not that I ever let that get in the way of my organization. *clears throat*
Speaking of getting sidetracked... oh wait, what was I talking about?
And I most certainly can blame the lack of functioning brain cells on my dear daughter who doesn't sleep through the night completely yet.
It wouldn't be such a horrible malady if it didn't interfere in the harmonious relationship that is my marriage. My husband is a neat-freak. I love him for it. But we are total opposites of the housecleaning spectrum. God bless him, he doesn't complain all that much. He's a saint really.
Saint Mr. Clean, that is.
He can bust out a room in one-fourth the amount of time it takes me. He is focused. Determined. Driven. I, on the other hand, am not really described accurately by any of those above adjectives.
But I am a paradox because I want to be. When will the neat-freak house cleaner in me be freed from the time management failure she is imprisoned in? Only time will tell.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Ravings of An Insomniac...
How can I be wide awake at 1:37 am?
Why did I just wake up in the middle of the MORNING (it isn't nighttime any longer...)????
As if I didn't get enough of not sleeping well...
Sigh.
On a brighter note, I am excited and nervous about Biblestudy tonight. We are going to put feet to our faith and go outside of church to do our workbooks. We are believing for open doors and curiosity of those around us. This is supposed to bolster our courage for actual witnessing. I'm still scared. There I admitted it. I am scared I will come up with nothing when someone asks me for a reason for the Hope that is within me. I'm scared I'll say the wrong thing and offend someone and turn them away from Christ rather than leading them to Him. And yet, I know it has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with my obedience. It is not dependent on my words, but what He says through me. He will give me the right Holy-Spirit-inspired words to say. And I have had practice with my two boys! :) If I can tell a child about Jesus, surely I can tell a stranger!
The other thing that occupies my thoughts in the wee hours of the morning is school. I feel like a hypocrite. I say I am homeschooling the boys, but we haven't done any school for two weeks! That first week of no school, I had a very valid excuse: laryngitis all week long. This second week, what is my excuse? Fatigue. How do other moms do it all? I am barely staying afloat with my laundry! Sometimes, I feel like I just need a mommy vacation for a day or so. Do they have those? The worst part about not schooling right now is the questions, from my kids. "Mommy, are we going to do school today?" (picture this asked with sweet expectant faces...now you understand the guilt!) I feel so overwhelmed with all of my responsibilities right now. And I feel like there is so much change needed, but I am tired of having to improve upon myself. I am wearied with undergoing construction of my person. Do you ever get tired of fixing all of your shortcomings? Do you ever get overwhelmed with the amount of items that need changing that you see reflected in the mirror of your soul? Sigh.
And right now I am reminded of the words of a favorite song of mine (I cannot remember the title...lol...but it is still a favorite!):
Here I am once again,
I pour out my heart for I know that You hear every cry
You are listening
No matter what state my heart is in
You are faithful to answer
With words that are true and a hope that is real
As I feel Your touch
You bring a freedom to all that's within
In the safety of this place
I'm longing to pour out my heart
Say that I love You
Pour out my heart
Say that I need You
Pour out my heart
Say that You're faithful
Pour out my heart
And say that You're wonderful!
(sorry can't remember who wrote this, otherwise I would give credit!)
I love to sing it with arms open wide in surrendered abandon to the One Who knows me inside and out...
Psalm 62:8
"Trust in Him at all times, you people;Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah"
The best part is that He is awake even at 2:01 am! :)
I know He knows what my children need in the form of education. I just need to ask. I need to take the time to ask. That's the problem, making the time to find out His heart on the matter. I guess that is in part where my frustration lies, I know that I am supposed to be homeschooling them. That is the reason we are making so many sacrifices as a family, so we can be the ones to educate our children. That is my main impetus for being a stay at home mom, so that I can be at home to educate my children. And I guess that is also the reason I feel so guilty too, my husband works hard at his job, am I working as equally as hard at mine?
**Side note here, how come the rest of this post is in italics??? I cannot get it to go back to regular font. Aggh!**
Anyway, do you, as busy mothers, ever feel like any of the above??
The other thing about home education that I am struggling with, is finding our rhythym and homeschooling niche. There are those that swear by the Classical education method, some rave about unschooling, other families love their curricula, then there are others that embrace the ideals of Charlotte Mason. How do you decide, without too much trial and error, what is the best "method" for you? The sheer volume of choices is overwhelming! We are somewhat constrained by our budget, so curriculum is out of the running. We love to read, but until they can read for themselves, it would be rather burdensome to make reading our number one vessel for education. (I must add a disclaimer here: I strongly believe that reading well-written literature can give you a far better education than most textbooks. I personally devour books by the month!) And still, my boys are too active to want to sit down to workbooks every day either. We believe, as a parents of our children, that education happens all around us every day. We just have to be alert to those teachable moments. And we have to be willing to grasp those snippets of time with enthusiasm.
Well, now I am getting sleepy, and since I have such a big day ahead of me...today, I had better take advantage of slumber while I can! :)
Why did I just wake up in the middle of the MORNING (it isn't nighttime any longer...)????
As if I didn't get enough of not sleeping well...
Sigh.
On a brighter note, I am excited and nervous about Biblestudy tonight. We are going to put feet to our faith and go outside of church to do our workbooks. We are believing for open doors and curiosity of those around us. This is supposed to bolster our courage for actual witnessing. I'm still scared. There I admitted it. I am scared I will come up with nothing when someone asks me for a reason for the Hope that is within me. I'm scared I'll say the wrong thing and offend someone and turn them away from Christ rather than leading them to Him. And yet, I know it has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with my obedience. It is not dependent on my words, but what He says through me. He will give me the right Holy-Spirit-inspired words to say. And I have had practice with my two boys! :) If I can tell a child about Jesus, surely I can tell a stranger!
The other thing that occupies my thoughts in the wee hours of the morning is school. I feel like a hypocrite. I say I am homeschooling the boys, but we haven't done any school for two weeks! That first week of no school, I had a very valid excuse: laryngitis all week long. This second week, what is my excuse? Fatigue. How do other moms do it all? I am barely staying afloat with my laundry! Sometimes, I feel like I just need a mommy vacation for a day or so. Do they have those? The worst part about not schooling right now is the questions, from my kids. "Mommy, are we going to do school today?" (picture this asked with sweet expectant faces...now you understand the guilt!) I feel so overwhelmed with all of my responsibilities right now. And I feel like there is so much change needed, but I am tired of having to improve upon myself. I am wearied with undergoing construction of my person. Do you ever get tired of fixing all of your shortcomings? Do you ever get overwhelmed with the amount of items that need changing that you see reflected in the mirror of your soul? Sigh.
And right now I am reminded of the words of a favorite song of mine (I cannot remember the title...lol...but it is still a favorite!):
Here I am once again,
I pour out my heart for I know that You hear every cry
You are listening
No matter what state my heart is in
You are faithful to answer
With words that are true and a hope that is real
As I feel Your touch
You bring a freedom to all that's within
In the safety of this place
I'm longing to pour out my heart
Say that I love You
Pour out my heart
Say that I need You
Pour out my heart
Say that You're faithful
Pour out my heart
And say that You're wonderful!
(sorry can't remember who wrote this, otherwise I would give credit!)
I love to sing it with arms open wide in surrendered abandon to the One Who knows me inside and out...
Psalm 62:8
"Trust in Him at all times, you people;Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah"
The best part is that He is awake even at 2:01 am! :)
I know He knows what my children need in the form of education. I just need to ask. I need to take the time to ask. That's the problem, making the time to find out His heart on the matter. I guess that is in part where my frustration lies, I know that I am supposed to be homeschooling them. That is the reason we are making so many sacrifices as a family, so we can be the ones to educate our children. That is my main impetus for being a stay at home mom, so that I can be at home to educate my children. And I guess that is also the reason I feel so guilty too, my husband works hard at his job, am I working as equally as hard at mine?
**Side note here, how come the rest of this post is in italics??? I cannot get it to go back to regular font. Aggh!**
Anyway, do you, as busy mothers, ever feel like any of the above??
The other thing about home education that I am struggling with, is finding our rhythym and homeschooling niche. There are those that swear by the Classical education method, some rave about unschooling, other families love their curricula, then there are others that embrace the ideals of Charlotte Mason. How do you decide, without too much trial and error, what is the best "method" for you? The sheer volume of choices is overwhelming! We are somewhat constrained by our budget, so curriculum is out of the running. We love to read, but until they can read for themselves, it would be rather burdensome to make reading our number one vessel for education. (I must add a disclaimer here: I strongly believe that reading well-written literature can give you a far better education than most textbooks. I personally devour books by the month!) And still, my boys are too active to want to sit down to workbooks every day either. We believe, as a parents of our children, that education happens all around us every day. We just have to be alert to those teachable moments. And we have to be willing to grasp those snippets of time with enthusiasm.
Well, now I am getting sleepy, and since I have such a big day ahead of me...today, I had better take advantage of slumber while I can! :)
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
To Be Continued..
Sorry dear readers, I am just too tired to write about "Have a New Kid By Friday."
I will report that I have returned to my old, familiar parenting rut. No, I am not proud of it, but just thought I would be honest with you. Changing the way you've done something for six years is HARD work! But I am working on it.
For now, I am just trying to survive the sleep deprivation I have been suffering from. I have got to figure out a way to get Miss Precious in her own bed! (She isn't the main problem, my horrible mattress is...lol) But she is still very much attached to me and still nurses at night. Her frequency has lessened, but I doubt she could go all night without a comfort snack.
Oh, I know that exercise would help me with my energy levels too, but I loathe to exercise. I had a walking partner, but she and I are both wimps when it comes to our Pacific Northwest autumn weather! We don't particularly enjoy walking with all of our kids in the pouring down rain or bitter cold. So that has gone the way of our summer weather...lol.
Anyone have any ideas on how to re-motivate yourself for school when a whole week of laryngitis kept you from teaching? I think I am suffering from a lack of creativity, which translates into lack of motivation. I love my kids and I know I am suppose to be homeschooling them, I just have to find the right educational avenue that works for all of us... no small feat!
So, when I can put together a coherent sounding sentence, and when I have enough functioning brain cells to evaluate my parenting, I will resume our series. Again, I encourage you to get the book from your local library!
I will report that I have returned to my old, familiar parenting rut. No, I am not proud of it, but just thought I would be honest with you. Changing the way you've done something for six years is HARD work! But I am working on it.
For now, I am just trying to survive the sleep deprivation I have been suffering from. I have got to figure out a way to get Miss Precious in her own bed! (She isn't the main problem, my horrible mattress is...lol) But she is still very much attached to me and still nurses at night. Her frequency has lessened, but I doubt she could go all night without a comfort snack.
Oh, I know that exercise would help me with my energy levels too, but I loathe to exercise. I had a walking partner, but she and I are both wimps when it comes to our Pacific Northwest autumn weather! We don't particularly enjoy walking with all of our kids in the pouring down rain or bitter cold. So that has gone the way of our summer weather...lol.
Anyone have any ideas on how to re-motivate yourself for school when a whole week of laryngitis kept you from teaching? I think I am suffering from a lack of creativity, which translates into lack of motivation. I love my kids and I know I am suppose to be homeschooling them, I just have to find the right educational avenue that works for all of us... no small feat!
So, when I can put together a coherent sounding sentence, and when I have enough functioning brain cells to evaluate my parenting, I will resume our series. Again, I encourage you to get the book from your local library!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Preposterous Puppies!
I just ran across this story and there are no words to describe how ridiculous this is!
I feel sad for the lady because she obviously had nothing else to live for. People will turn to anything to fill the God-void in them. And people will spend exhorbitant amounts of money to make themselves happy.
What happens when Booger's (seriously, who names a dog that?) babies die? Will she clone the puppies too?
And on a last days side note...how scary that successful cloning is so widely broadcasted on the news. The creation of life is no longer mysterious and wonderful. How long before they try to clone human beings because of the loss of a child?
Man is working so hard to be God. We can take life away with euthanasia and abortion. Now we are so close to being able to say that we can create life. It is a hollow imitation, at best.
I feel sad for the lady because she obviously had nothing else to live for. People will turn to anything to fill the God-void in them. And people will spend exhorbitant amounts of money to make themselves happy.
What happens when Booger's (seriously, who names a dog that?) babies die? Will she clone the puppies too?
And on a last days side note...how scary that successful cloning is so widely broadcasted on the news. The creation of life is no longer mysterious and wonderful. How long before they try to clone human beings because of the loss of a child?
Man is working so hard to be God. We can take life away with euthanasia and abortion. Now we are so close to being able to say that we can create life. It is a hollow imitation, at best.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
TV or not TV...
Mr. Querido and I have been TV-less for almost a whole month. Wow. For a recovering TV-aholic such as myself, that is a LONG time! But I don't miss it. I have more time to spend reading, *cough* blogging *cough*, working on my writing, and interacting with family. That last part is important because my husband is working full time AND going to school at night (two nights out of the week). We have more time to chat in the evenings or labor in our yard.
I never realized how much time television sucked out of my life until I quit watching. Life is fuller, more vibrant without the blue flickering glow. Oh, there have been times when I felt the magnetic pull toward the Box, but I resisted. I knew that if I ever went back, I would be sucked in to that TV trance again. Besides, I need to set an example for my children. They need to know that TV is not life and cannot become a substitute for life.
My other revelation was that all my favorite TV shows didn't glorify God. Why would I want to spend time doing something that didn't bring Him glory? That is the ultimate waste of time! Not only did those shows not bring Him glory, they did not foster character traits in me that I would be proud of. My favorite "people" became replacements for the real people in my life. Even worse, they became more important. My "friends" didn't require anything from me except for my time. "They" didn't need anything or want anything. I could just sit there and not have to feel or do anything. TV was my drug of choice.
When I think back to how many hours I flushed watching frivolous junk, I want to weep. But I cannot go back and change the past, I can only go forward. And thankfully, I have woken up from the trance of the flickering blue light before it was too late.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Gone
This was a poem that I wrote in August of 2006...
----------------------------------------------
GONE
Hollow, my cry echoes within
Where has the real me gone?
So many years shut in
Voiceless, motionless sat the she of me
Once or twice she would appear
Only to be cast aside
Tired of drowning in her tears,
Her person she vowed to hide.
Never good enough on her own
Miss Congeniality was soon added.
Friendly even to her own detriment
Her pain accepted as long as others were okay.
Always placing herself last, behind the scenes, beneath all others
For fear of becoming like her father,
The star of the show--trodding on everyone.
And so now I look inside
Desperately searching for the me I hid.
However she I cannot find
And I wonder how long ago she disappeared.
Their disapproval drove her deeper
In to the black hole of ostracicity.
Until so far sucked in, she forgot that I was me.
Where is that little girl so tender? I ask myself.
And the only answer I receive
Is the hollow echo reverberating all around.
As I sit here, I ponder
If I have lost the me within
How is it possible I exist?
Has the facade so overtaken
Now running on autopilot?
Except that I am not the one driving!
Out of control is how I feel
Or maybe there isn't any left of me to weep.
No one of me to mourn my passing
No her to scream as we plummet.
Deeper and deeper into the abyss of nothingness, no identity.
In this place, there is no me!
How do I regain myself? I cry as we fall.
Can I even remember me?
Does anyone know my true identity?
The crisis of self grips my soul.
I feel empty inside
As if there used to be someone
But that me long ago died.
Shut away from reality the she that was me wasted away.
Can the dead myself be resurrected?
----------------------------------------
Okay, that was a little bit darker than the poetry that I have shared before. But all of my writing is not necessarily so uplifting. There are times when the inner tears turn into words on paper. Or the fire of anger burns on the tip of my pen. I use my poetry to express my feelings in the truest most honest way I know. I can be brutally honest with myself when I write. And there is no one to judge how I wrote it, or what tone it took. It is simply for me. So I risk putting it out here. This is down to the nitty gritty of my soul. But I felt that you should know me as a whole rather than just a part.
----------------------------------------------
GONE
Hollow, my cry echoes within
Where has the real me gone?
So many years shut in
Voiceless, motionless sat the she of me
Once or twice she would appear
Only to be cast aside
Tired of drowning in her tears,
Her person she vowed to hide.
Never good enough on her own
Miss Congeniality was soon added.
Friendly even to her own detriment
Her pain accepted as long as others were okay.
Always placing herself last, behind the scenes, beneath all others
For fear of becoming like her father,
The star of the show--trodding on everyone.
And so now I look inside
Desperately searching for the me I hid.
However she I cannot find
And I wonder how long ago she disappeared.
Their disapproval drove her deeper
In to the black hole of ostracicity.
Until so far sucked in, she forgot that I was me.
Where is that little girl so tender? I ask myself.
And the only answer I receive
Is the hollow echo reverberating all around.
As I sit here, I ponder
If I have lost the me within
How is it possible I exist?
Has the facade so overtaken
Now running on autopilot?
Except that I am not the one driving!
Out of control is how I feel
Or maybe there isn't any left of me to weep.
No one of me to mourn my passing
No her to scream as we plummet.
Deeper and deeper into the abyss of nothingness, no identity.
In this place, there is no me!
How do I regain myself? I cry as we fall.
Can I even remember me?
Does anyone know my true identity?
The crisis of self grips my soul.
I feel empty inside
As if there used to be someone
But that me long ago died.
Shut away from reality the she that was me wasted away.
Can the dead myself be resurrected?
----------------------------------------
Okay, that was a little bit darker than the poetry that I have shared before. But all of my writing is not necessarily so uplifting. There are times when the inner tears turn into words on paper. Or the fire of anger burns on the tip of my pen. I use my poetry to express my feelings in the truest most honest way I know. I can be brutally honest with myself when I write. And there is no one to judge how I wrote it, or what tone it took. It is simply for me. So I risk putting it out here. This is down to the nitty gritty of my soul. But I felt that you should know me as a whole rather than just a part.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Baby Steps..
This was written a little over four months after Mr. Independent was born. Babies are such great inspiration!
Eternity is held within your gaze
Bright eyes turned above
Heaven's wonder shown in many ways.
My child, my gift, my love.
Copyright 2005 J. N. Gallegos
I compose this for my firstborn as I watched him drift off to dreamland one day...
Sitting here watching him sleep
Still small and dependent on me
Deep brown eyes, closing slowly
I wonder what he sees in me?
Tiny fingers clutching dreams
Little ears listening to my heartbeat.
Copyright 2002 J.N. Gallegos
Eternity is held within your gaze
Bright eyes turned above
Heaven's wonder shown in many ways.
My child, my gift, my love.
Copyright 2005 J. N. Gallegos
I compose this for my firstborn as I watched him drift off to dreamland one day...
Sitting here watching him sleep
Still small and dependent on me
Deep brown eyes, closing slowly
I wonder what he sees in me?
Tiny fingers clutching dreams
Little ears listening to my heartbeat.
Copyright 2002 J.N. Gallegos
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Alphabet of Thankfulness
This Love...
Astounds me
Blesses me
Changes me
Defines me
Envelopes me
Forgave me
Healed me
Illuminates me
Joys me
Keeps me
Lives in me
Made me
Never ends
Opens my eyes
Prepares me
Quiets me
Reassures me
Saved me
Tenderly cares for me
Unconditional
Victoriously rose
Washed my sins
eXposes me
Yearns for my heart
Zealous and jealous for me
Copyrighted 2001 J.N. Gallegos
One day as I was writing, I was just impressed to use the alphabet to put down everything the love of Christ meant to me. The Alphabet of Thankfulness was the result.
Astounds me
Blesses me
Changes me
Defines me
Envelopes me
Forgave me
Healed me
Illuminates me
Joys me
Keeps me
Lives in me
Made me
Never ends
Opens my eyes
Prepares me
Quiets me
Reassures me
Saved me
Tenderly cares for me
Unconditional
Victoriously rose
Washed my sins
eXposes me
Yearns for my heart
Zealous and jealous for me
Copyrighted 2001 J.N. Gallegos
One day as I was writing, I was just impressed to use the alphabet to put down everything the love of Christ meant to me. The Alphabet of Thankfulness was the result.
Muscle Tone...
Tonight, I watched as my nine-month old daughter, Miss Precious, tried over and over to sit up by herself. Each time she tried, and failed. But she didn't give up! As I sat there watching her battle with her uncooperative, immature body, I realized this:
"Failure is strengthening your muscles for success."
-J. N. Gallegos
She may have not reached the end goal of sitting up all by herself, yet, but each time she tried she was strengthening the muscles she would need in the future.
I grew up in a household where if you failed, you were the failure. But lately, I have come to realize that failure does not make ME a failure! I may just not be mature enough (spiritually, physically, intellectually, etc.) to succeed at the time. Yet that does not mean that I am incapable of succeeding in the future once I have gained more insight, knowledge or experience.
So, this year I am going to risk failure and try new things. To reach out for success and maybe not get it on the first try, but to keep trying until I can grasp it firmly.
"Failure is strengthening your muscles for success."
-J. N. Gallegos
She may have not reached the end goal of sitting up all by herself, yet, but each time she tried she was strengthening the muscles she would need in the future.
I grew up in a household where if you failed, you were the failure. But lately, I have come to realize that failure does not make ME a failure! I may just not be mature enough (spiritually, physically, intellectually, etc.) to succeed at the time. Yet that does not mean that I am incapable of succeeding in the future once I have gained more insight, knowledge or experience.
So, this year I am going to risk failure and try new things. To reach out for success and maybe not get it on the first try, but to keep trying until I can grasp it firmly.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Night Owl Confession
I am a night owl...everyone else in my household is not.
Does anyone else have trouble going to bed after the kiddos and hubby are asleep? I just love the solitude and tranquility of a sleeping household. But I don't love the fact that if I sleep in late, my whole day has passed me by. Thereby leaving me stressed and crunched for time. Not to mention the guilt of letting my toddlers fend for themselves with DIY peanut butter sandwiches! But I LOVE staying up late...*sigh*
In order to get up before anyone else, I would have to be up around 5 am! I am SO NOT a morning person. I don't start to process anything until after 10 am...lol! Why, oh why am I this way??? *frustrated sigh*
I think more clearly at night. In fact, I do my devotions at night. I wish the rest of my body was on the same time track as my mind..lol! But one wants to go one way and the other part wants to sleep in!
It isn't really insomnia, because it is self-induced and thoroughly enjoyed!
Didn't the Proverbs 31 lady stay up late? Did she burn the candle at both ends?
I am here to tell you that burning a candle at both ends only leaves YOU with burnt fingers..
Does anyone else have trouble going to bed after the kiddos and hubby are asleep? I just love the solitude and tranquility of a sleeping household. But I don't love the fact that if I sleep in late, my whole day has passed me by. Thereby leaving me stressed and crunched for time. Not to mention the guilt of letting my toddlers fend for themselves with DIY peanut butter sandwiches! But I LOVE staying up late...*sigh*
In order to get up before anyone else, I would have to be up around 5 am! I am SO NOT a morning person. I don't start to process anything until after 10 am...lol! Why, oh why am I this way??? *frustrated sigh*
I think more clearly at night. In fact, I do my devotions at night. I wish the rest of my body was on the same time track as my mind..lol! But one wants to go one way and the other part wants to sleep in!
It isn't really insomnia, because it is self-induced and thoroughly enjoyed!
Didn't the Proverbs 31 lady stay up late? Did she burn the candle at both ends?
I am here to tell you that burning a candle at both ends only leaves YOU with burnt fingers..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)