Have A New Kid By Friday!

(And you thought she always smiled!)

Tired of the tantrums, worn out from the battle of wills?

You too can have a new kid by Friday! No, we are not selling our children, although there are days I am tempted to put out a sign in the front lawn...

Seriously though, I am reading "Have A New Kid By Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman. His straightforward, no-nonsense, humorous approach really appeals to me.

I will share a little bit of what I have learned so far without spoiling the whole Monday through Friday challenge.

How to Respect Your Children:

* Never do for them what they can and should do for themselves.
(So this means, let them make their own PB&J, clean up their own room and sort their own laundry! Now, this may mean that I will have to bite my tongue when it isn't done perfectly , but I need to realize that they are learning to be independent..of course, if I like the idea of them living at home for the rest of their life I could leave things as is and take the easy way out and do it all myself!)

*Don't repeat your instructions.
(Dr. Leman maintains that this says "You are too stupid to figure it out the first time I said it." to your child. I'll be wasting a lot less breath in the coming week!)

*Expect the best of them.
(He gave an example of taking the kids to the grocery store. What is the first thing you do? Tell them "Be quiet, sit down and don't grab anything off the shelves.", right? So we are EXPECTING them to misbehave, and children will always live up to your expectations.)

*Don't praise them.
(WHAT?!?!?! I'll have to admit that was my first reaction. But he goes on to explain that praise links a child's self-worth to what he does. So when I praise my child, they get the message that "I'm only worth something if I can do this or that well." That was the message that was conveyed loud and clear by my dad when I was growing up. Small wonder why that is something I struggle with today!)

*Encourage them.
(Dr. Leman states that encouragement emphasizes the act and not the person. So when we tell them they did a good job on cleaning the room and that they should be proud to be so responsible, we are placing emphasis on the behavior rather than reinforcing that your value is wrapped up in what you do.)

The main thing that I have absorbed as I have read this book, is that if I want to see change in my children, I must effect change in myself first! Oh, there is going to be a lot of change going on in the FITPH household in the coming weeks!

On Monday I am going to outline what he says to do that first day. Then I let you in on my private thoughts as I read that chapter. Come on back, it will be good!

Oh, and borrow this book from the library...you won't be sorry!