HANKBF..Part Two

Continuing my post from Friday...

On Monday, Dr. Leman has you consider these four things:

1) Observe what is going on in your house. What areas in your relationship with your child(ren) really bother you?

In my notebook, I wrote:
When they talk back, whine or complain.
Having to tell or explain what I want them to do MULTIPLE times.
Tattle-taling on each other.

2) Think about how you'd like things to change.
Well, this could take a while as I am VERY sleep-deprived! I would like for them to respect me enough to do it the first time with no backtalk. They need to respect each other enough to not try to get each other into trouble on purpose!
Respect is going to be a big issue in our home, I can already tell. For one, I didn't grow up in a house where there was mutual respect between my mother and my father. So, I often don't know what respect looks like, which makes it hard to model! I am working on this one though.

3) Decide to take the bull by the horns.
You have to make the decision that enough is enough! Changing what you have always done is a LOT harder than it looks. This morning I have caught myself repeating my instructions on more than one occasion! But change is not impossible, just challenging! :)

4) Expect great things to happen.
I think that this will be the hardest one of all, because I have been known to expect the worst to happen. Creating a positive mindset has always been a struggle for me.

So what changes do I have to make?
I have to learn how to parent with respect, both for myself and my children. This means no repeating instructions, no yelling to get their attention, no threatening with discipline,; just consistent, calmly stated, reasonable requests.
I have to foster a positive attitude about this whole change. Phil 4:8!

Notes from the chapter:

Say it once, turn your back and don't look back!

If they don't obey, pay their sibling to do it. Up until this point, we have not had an allowance for our children. We just expected them to pick up and help out around the house because they live here too. However, they won't learn anything about money handling and wise stewardship if we don't give them the chance.

What does my attitude say? Behavior is learned and my children are modeling the behavior they have seen. Yikes! Sometimes as a parent we think that our children just seemingly pick up bad habits from thin air. Whereas, in reality, most likely they are picking them up from US!

Do I expect my kids to misbehave? When we go somewhere do I run down the list of "you can'ts and don't you dares"? This one is a lot harder to NOT do than it looks!

What is the reason my child is doing what they are doing?

How do I feel in this situation?

Is this situation between my child and me a mountain or a molehill? In other words, is it of moral, ethical or eternal value? More often than not, you find yourself saying "no" to all of the above.

Character is caught from those you grow up with. GULP! Parenting is scary when you put it in terms like that! But THANK YOU LORD, we have Someone Who can help us develop better character!

Let reality be the teacher.

Learn to respond rather than react. Response comes from love, reacting is flesh-based.

B doesn't happen until A is completed. The simplest yet most challenging formula for parenting success...

So there you have my notes and thoughts about chapter one. Come on back tomorrow for chapter two!