Gone

This was a poem that I wrote in August of 2006...
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GONE

Hollow, my cry echoes within
Where has the real me gone?
So many years shut in
Voiceless, motionless sat the she of me
Once or twice she would appear
Only to be cast aside
Tired of drowning in her tears,
Her person she vowed to hide.
Never good enough on her own
Miss Congeniality was soon added.
Friendly even to her own detriment
Her pain accepted as long as others were okay.
Always placing herself last, behind the scenes, beneath all others
For fear of becoming like her father,
The star of the show--trodding on everyone.

And so now I look inside
Desperately searching for the me I hid.
However she I cannot find
And I wonder how long ago she disappeared.
Their disapproval drove her deeper
In to the black hole of ostracicity.
Until so far sucked in, she forgot that I was me.

Where is that little girl so tender? I ask myself.
And the only answer I receive
Is the hollow echo reverberating all around.

As I sit here, I ponder
If I have lost the me within
How is it possible I exist?
Has the facade so overtaken
Now running on autopilot?
Except that I am not the one driving!
Out of control is how I feel
Or maybe there isn't any left of me to weep.
No one of me to mourn my passing
No her to scream as we plummet.
Deeper and deeper into the abyss of nothingness, no identity.
In this place, there is no me!
How do I regain myself? I cry as we fall.
Can I even remember me?
Does anyone know my true identity?
The crisis of self grips my soul.
I feel empty inside
As if there used to be someone
But that me long ago died.
Shut away from reality the she that was me wasted away.
Can the dead myself be resurrected?
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Okay, that was a little bit darker than the poetry that I have shared before. But all of my writing is not necessarily so uplifting. There are times when the inner tears turn into words on paper. Or the fire of anger burns on the tip of my pen. I use my poetry to express my feelings in the truest most honest way I know. I can be brutally honest with myself when I write. And there is no one to judge how I wrote it, or what tone it took. It is simply for me. So I risk putting it out here. This is down to the nitty gritty of my soul. But I felt that you should know me as a whole rather than just a part.